his nerd jig.

I can’t stop listening to this song today. Why did I wait...

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 13:49:54 -0400

I can’t stop listening to this song today. Why did I wait so long to listen to Love is Overtaking Me?

The Target Of Their Ambivalence To quote Henri: holy beejesus,...

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 10:16:00 -0400

The Target Of Their Ambivalence

To quote Henri: holy beejesus, your town sucks.

Bragging Rights. You’ve heard me talk about the book...

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:51:00 -0400

Bragging Rights.

You’ve heard me talk about the book project that we put together at Capitol Letters. One of my students, Javairia Henry, has a poem featured on the Jim Lehrer NewsHour blog.

You can purchase the book here, if you like.

Another installment of Q&A Mad Libs, a...

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 09:28:00 -0400

Another installment of Q&A Mad Libs, a weekly/monthly/wheneverIfeellikeit feature on HisNerdJig. The gist: I give my friends questions from old Q&As with musicians, and they fill in the blanks. Any which way they chose. You can read more about that here.

When I realized my engagement was falling apart, Jessica Guilfoyle knew what to do. She took me to the El Salvadorian tacqueria place on 14^th Street—the one in the basement where they put avocado and manchego cheese in the burritos.

She told me the chicken burrito was the one I should order (trust me), and that if it were anyone else she might hesitate to say this, but I deserve much more and it will not be hard to find someone to love. She passed me the salsa verde and told me that I was easy to love.

“I feel so stupid,” I told her.

She shrugged. “I mean, what else are you going to feel?”

It reminded me of when my roommate first introduced us in the suffocating humidity of July in the backyard on Euclid. I complimented her dress. She gestured to the air. “I mean, what else are you going to wear?”

We’ve been through this kind of thing before, less severely, when I fell out of love with DC. She would take me at Polly Sue’s to find a new dress, and then to Dos Gringos for grapefruit spritzers and chipotle grilled tofu, and then to La Casa to stand in the back of the room to watch a few local boys play something that does and does not sound like music.

She’d introduce me to a few people, squeeze my arm, and say, “See? Everyone loves you. This city loves you. Any city would love you.”

I gave Ms. Guilfoyle a few questions from an AV Club interview with Lilly Allen, because there was a time when she couldn’t stop listening to The Fear on repeat. For your pleasure, here’s Jessica.

AV Club: What’s been your most rewarding collaboration so far?

Lilly Allen: The one with my hairstylist.

AVC: Who would you like to work with in the future? Who’s on your dream list?

LA: Bruce Springsteen! I grew up listening to Born in the USA and Nebraska. I’ve always thought he managed to maintain this quiet soulfulness while cranking out dance-y pop music at the same time. Also…Kanye West.

AVC: You were kicked out of 13 schools, and you dropped out at 15. How did that happen?

LA: Drugs, mostly. And fuckloads of diamonds.

AVC: When people write about you, they inevitably mention all the other musicians or journalists you’ve dissed or argued with publicly. Who’s tops on your annoyance list right now?

LA: Katy Perry and Perez Hilton. Also, Paul Krugman inexplicably annoys the shit out of me.

AVC: You’ve complained about how you’ve been portrayed in the press at times, especially in NME. Is there some specific image of you that you want people to get instead?

LA: I want people to see me! I’m not perfect, but I’m certainly not the crazy alcoholic party girl people make me out to be either. Plus, when I see these super photo-shopped pictures of myself on the newsstands, I barely recognize myself. It’s pretty disturbing actually.

AVC: You’ve talked a lot about way women in rock tend to get patronized as “the female version of this male artist,” instead of being written up for themselves. And you took on NME over a comment about how you can rock “even in stilettos.” Why do you think there’s so much of a problem finding positive ways to talk about female musicians?

LA: Well, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that women in rock are either hyper sexualized or not sexualized at all. The assumption is that if you’re too sexy, you’re not a serious musician, but if you’re not sexy enough, your marketability is put into question. However, I do think there are plenty of women who are both incredibly sexy and musically talented who combat this. MIA is ridiculously sexy and talented. That chick from The New Pornographers. Her voice makes my knees tremble.

Also…me, with or without stilettos. But I guess that goes without saying.

How the Fuck Did I Get Here: I’m a Music Critic? The DC Decider...

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 12:41:56 -0400

How the Fuck Did I Get Here: I’m a Music Critic?

The DC Decider site officially launched today. More specifically, it launched at midnight last night. So you can read my Ida Maria interview that didn’t get printed last week. Also, I called Travis Morrison a needy, petulant frontman and learned that Poor But Sexy is a new favorite DC band. Behind the Deleted Scenes, and definitely way above Sean McArdle.

Mad Libs aren’t the only kind of Q&As I do lately. My...

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:57:00 -0500

Mad Libs aren’t the only kind of Q&As I do lately. My interview with this pretty intelligent chick is out in the DC Onion. It’s only available in print though. How quaint.

If you’re in DC, pick up a copy and go see her show tomorrow. Unless you’d rather come to my birthday party. I would like that.

Q&A Mad Libs: John Bakum on Carl Newman Another installment...

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 08:22:00 -0500

Q&A Mad Libs: John Bakum on Carl Newman

John Bakum has Colson Whitehead’s phone number, but he doesn’t use it. He just stares at it, and keeps it safe in case of an emergency.

John Bakum doesn’t need advice from Steve Almond on how to write a sex scene. John Bakum kind of hates Steve Almond.

John Bakum has a short story published in Touchstone. He also won an honorable mention in the Atlantic Monthly Student contest in 2007. But lately, he writes about wheat for Cornell.

John Bakum has a dry, withdrawn humor that will cure anything. Even the gout.

John Bakum loves hook-drenched songs, like the New Pornographers. We both have a crush on Neko Case.

Pitchfork: How are you doing?

JB: I’m fine, thank you.

Pitchfork: You’re recording with the New Pornographers now?

JB: If by “recording” you mean “listening to when they pop up on my mp3 player” then yes.

Pitchfork: Do you have a name for the record?

JB: Ok, I know we haven’t been in touch as much since I moved from DC, but we still talk sometimes. And I’ve never mentioned a record or the new pornographers. I’m not even a musician. So all those times we talked about music in the past 3.5 years, you think I just sat there and said to myself, “I could mention that I’m a musician but I’m going to withhold that information and simply relate an anecdote about, I don’t know, writing.” Do really think I’m that much of a jerk? Or do you really not know me at all?

Pitchfork: You’re pretty confident about that?

JB: I don’t know what to think. Neither possibility is all that attractive. Either you think I have some sort of hidden life or you are a really, really poor listener.

Pitchfork: Do you think that your style of hard-driving pop would be hard to take for 70, 80 minutes, like the length of a rap album or a double album?

JB: Well, that answers that doesn’t it? I’m just going to start repeating a word over and over again, what’s the difference, it’s not like you are paying attention. Bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat bleat

Pitchfork: Do you get tired of that descriptive repetition?

JB: So that got your attention? What other annoying thing can I do to get your attention? We should listen to some music that is antithetical to your hipster leanings. Let’s see what I have on my mp3 player. How about we listen to New Jersey by Bon Jovi?

Pitchfork: Did you listen to that album a lot in 1988?

JB: Oh yes. In my defense, I was 15 years old and I lived in New Jersey. That album really spoke to me. I remember singing along with Lay Your Hands on Me all the time.

Pitchfork: With all these other folks singing, how many opportunities do you have to get your voice in?

JB: Jen, I was signing along with the record, there was no one else in the room with me so I had no trouble getting my voice in.

Pitchfork: Depends on who you’re talking about. Kiss did.

JB: Are you on the phone with someone? Kiss? What are you talking about? You’re not even pretending to pay attention!

Pitchfork: Does it seem odd to be connected with a sketchy university?

JB: Ok, now I’m mad. It’s one thing to ignore me but to call Cornell University sketchy? That is beyond the pale. What would Andy Bernard say? You think 13 Nobel Prize winning alums is sketchy? Or 28 Nobel laureates on faculty through the years, I bet that’s sketchy too? I’m Ivy League, bitches. This interview is over. I’m out.

Anagrams for Barack Hussein Obama A Cabana Kiboshes Rum Chubbier...

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 14:25:00 -0500

Anagrams for Barack Hussein Obama

A Cabana Kiboshes Rum

Chubbier as as an amok

I am a cherub’s as a knob

A Maraca Hobbies Sunk

A Baa Horseback Minus

I didn’t get out of bed in time to see Bono yesterday, but...

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 10:18:00 -0500

I didn’t get out of bed in time to see Bono yesterday, but I did see the top of Anderson Cooper’s head.

The Washington City Paper has a pretty good coverage of the chaos that’s happening outisde my door. Jason Cherkis kind of sums up how most residents feel about things.

Liz Langton had my favorite #inaug09 Twitter feed yesterday: Does anyone know why Joe Biden is screaming? And my second favorite: Media guy to souvenir guy- Obama’s paying off our rent.

I passed three different groups (fleets? brigades? bouquets?) of the National Guard marching down North Capitol when I was walking the dog this morning.

They’re advising DC residents to walk to the Mall tomorrow. Even if you live in Van Ness.

Shopping at Giant today, my fiancé saw a sign that read: “Our deli says: YES WE CAN! help you with your inaugural party tray need!”

In short, dear inaug09 tourists, thanks for the revenue and the 4 a.m. last call, but please leave as fast as you can.

Also, Bono? Do you just not care anymore?

Mad Libs: Besterberg Welcome to the first installment of Q&A...

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 09:33:00 -0500

Mad Libs: Besterberg

Welcome to the first installment of Q&A Mad Libs, a weekly (monthly? bimonthly?) feature on HisNerdJig. The gist: I give my friends questions from old Q&As with musicians, and they fill in the blanks. Any which way they chose. You can read more about that here. First up: Matthew Barney Gumble.

MBG and I don’t really have conversations. He’ll send me a link on gchat, I’ll probably exclaim how that blew my mind, usually with “ooo” or “wow, that blew my mind.” I’ll send him a link, not quite as amazing. We’ll both lapse into work-related silence that is completely okay and non-apologetic. He doesn’t make me guilty for responding to a link an hour later. I suppose that’s all you can ask for in a friendship, really.

His loves are dark ‘n stormies, bonerz, Achewood (though he’s resigned not to proselytize about it any longer) and The Replacements. I haven’t known him for very long, but we’ve quickly bonded over the usual things.

I handpicked a few questions from a Paul Westerberg interview for him. Because who doesn’t want to step into the shoes of the man who once wrote, “All I wanna pick is your nose honey”?

Ladies, Gents, I give you MBG.

Pitchfork: This past endless winter made me consider how much the weather in the Midwest plays a role in people forming bands. How did cold weather affect your development as a songwriter? Do you think you would have written the same songs had you formed the Replacements in Hawaii?

MBG: It’s weird that you say that, because Don Ho was such an inspiration for me. Without him I don’t think I’d have entered this business.

Pitchfork: Do the Replacements make you any money?

MBG: My contract specifies that I get paid in cigarettes and gin.

Pitchfork: People hear the records, and they hear 1981, or 1985, or 1989, but here we are in 2008 and it doesn’t seem all that long ago.

MBG: Not… really… a question. I can’t remember what happened on Saturday but then also I remember the lyrics to the “Tato Skins from Keebler” jingle without any difficulty. Time’s a weird thing.

Pitchfork: Is what your music has meant to so many any consolation for missed opportunities?

MBG: Missed opportunities? Lady, what are you talking about? I am married to a sexy rock goddess and plus I once got to title a greatest hits album “Besterberg” – makes me giggle even still. I mean, if I thought that I’d missed any opportunities, then no, it wouldn’t be.

Pitchfork: Was there ever a sense that you were writing songs that maybe even you yourself weren’t quite old enough to understand?

MBG: Seriously, interview-lady, you are blowing my mind right now.

Pitchfork: There’s some unspoken rule that you’re not supposed to cover Kiss and write a song like “Unsatisfied”. But why not?

MBG: Because the people formulating those rules are embarrassed by how stupid they are. See what I did just there? It’s kind of like I called you stupid.

Pitchfork: Did you feel at all left behind by your friends who left town?

MBG: Usually I get asked this about my pseudonymous literary output.

Tomorrow: Mad Libs When I was in Austin last month, I had an...

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 10:05:00 -0500

Tomorrow: Mad Libs

When I was in Austin last month, I had an incredible plan. I was going to film everything. Every brunch, every bourbon and ginger, every breakfast taco, every drive down South Lamar, and every conversation that accompanied it. Because, I hadn’t seen these friends in years. And, I knew it might be awhile before I heard them or saw them, and the absolute glee they give me would wear off eventually. I wanted to preserve it. Maybe just for me, maybe for a larger project.

I hate to brag, but my friends are pretty much the shit.

Since I’ve been away doing my grown up things, they’ve all grown up. And I suspect in a few more years they’ll be even more grown up, and farther away from the friends I used to drink beers with at Showdown and talk about making things. Showdown is gone too.

But I forgot to bring my camera charger. All I had enough battery power to do is to record is one “um” from Claudia. I missed documenting the dollar bellini’s at Taverna, the fried brie tempura at Uchi, Jessica’s hand dances to JT, the incredible bar fight at Side Bar, the homemade ginger ale at Mug Shots, Rick Astley Sing-alongs, and shooting fireworks out of the car window in South Austin.

I decided, then, I would interview my friends on this blog. Writing is a kind of preservation I prefer, anyway. But after several drafts of questions that included “do you think you’re happy,” I couldn’t think of any that didn’t make me sound like a Gen Y Lelaina Pierce.

I admit that I’m taking the long way to get to this introduction, but I promise you, it’s worth it.

So I let someone else come up with the questions. I’m taking questions from old interviews with musicians that remind me of each friend and asking them to fill in the answers. They can answer in the voice of said musician, answer as themselves, or something in between. It’s a kind of mad libs, Q&A style.

Look for Matthew Barney Gumble tomorrow. I gave him questions from a Paul Westerberg interview. MBG’s not a friend from Austin, but he’s funny and he turned his answers in first.

So maybe my idea didn’t happen, but this way you’re getting the clever parts of my friends, instead of reading whether or not they think they’re happy, and whether they prefer major or minor chords. I can’t wait to see what they come up with, because, like I said, my friends are pretty much the shit.

Christmas Eve: The night in which I finally understand my entire...

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 16:28:00 -0500

Christmas Eve: The night in which I finally understand my entire adolesence by visiting the one remaining book store in my home town.

1. There is a Christian Fiction section
2. The Christian Ficiton section is larger than the literature section
3. The Sci-Fi section is larger than everything
4. Hunter S. Thompson is filed under Social Sciences
5. Persepolis is filed under History
5. I overheard two people ask for Bill O’Riley’s latest book

730 Days I was supposed to be a boy. Whether that was the...

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:53:00 -0500

730 Days

I was supposed to be a boy. Whether that was the doctor’s prognosis, or my father with his fingers crossed, I’m not sure. But I turned out to be a Jennifer, instead of a John, and my father coped as best a broken-hearted man could—he made do with what he had. While my mother read me stories about scrappy orphans with dolls, my father snuck me out of the crib at night to watch John Wayne: El Dorado, True Grit. I would beg for bedtime stories; instead he recited lines from Ben Hur, Spartacus, Star Wars. He tried to teach me how to bait a hook and throw a curve ball, but it was the blue flicker of the TV that was our glue. Pressed against his cotton shirts, I fell asleep to the sounds of Errol Flynn’s sword clashing and Maid Marion screaming in the background.

For me, this is where memory begins.

My friend is going on a date with a guy who claims to be the...

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 15:47:41 -0500

My friend is going on a date with a guy who claims to be the body double of Vanilla Ice in the 1991 blockbuster, Cool as Ice. At first I thought she was teasing me, because nothing could be quite so delicious and amazing, but she has a picture to prove it. However, I promised I wouldn’t share it. I can only leave you with the clip. My friend from Mostly Semantics and I have questions.

Question 1: Why haven’t I seen this film? It was loosely based on Rebel Without A Cause, stars Namoi Campbell, also features Deezer D, and the dad from Family Ties.

Question 2: I never noticed that Cool as Ice has a lyric, “all the gays are amazed.” Does he know what he’s saying? Are we supposed to think that he’s so cool as ice, even the gays are amazed? Is he cracking an easy joke on them?

Question 3: What could possibly be better than being Vanilla Ice’s body double?

· Wallace Shawn

· Judy Dench

· George Wendt

· Kathy Bates

· Woody Allen

· Foucault

In case you are the rare person I haven’t told, I stopped being...

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 10:06:31 -0500

In case you are the rare person I haven’t told, I stopped being so post-MFA angst-y since I started volunteering with this sweet little program.

Capitol Letters Writing Center (it’s a pun!) teaches kids all over DC how to write creatively. I’ve taught a workshop on zine making (a la Elizabeth Anne Moore) and now I’m working on the first student publication project with seniors at Cardozo High School. The students get to work directly with pretty-big-deal published authors and editors, and by the end of the school year they’ll put out a professionally edited, designed, and bound anthology about “The Hidden DC”.

The Northwest Current just wrote a story about the project (see the corresponding picture of the back of my head above). My friend is quoted here:

“Their job is to be reporters of their own experience,” said Mike Scalise, Capitol Letters’ liaison with Cardozo and an English instructor at the University of Maryland. “We want them to focus on the quality; we want them to focus on what they know [so] they’re able to write with authority.”

Touching, no?

Right now we’re pretty small, with only 50 volunteers, no paid staff, and a tiny balance in our bank account.

So…

We’re doing an end-of-the-year campaign to raise funds for a new facility and I’ve been challenged to raise at least $500 by New Years. So, if you like me, and you think this organization sounds all right, c’mon over and donate something. Anything.

I’ll sweeten the deal: if you donate I will write a haiku just for you. Yes, that’s right. Not only will you get to feel good about yourself, you’ll also get a haiku. Just shoot me an email with your address after you donate and you’ll be reading sweet ancient Japanese poetry in no time.

Recent Obsession: Anne Carson I went to the Dixion Place while I...

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 19:39:27 -0500

Recent Obsession: Anne Carson

I went to the Dixion Place while I was in Manhattan this weekend to see “Experiments & Disorders: Anne Carson and Robert Currie, and Legends” and sort of fell in love. Carson and her husband Currie (who calls himself the Randomizer and can’t be anything but lovely in person) collaborated with Currie’s best friend, Lou Reed, and Laurie Anderson.

Laurie Anderson was amazing as always, and Lou Reed was the most disappointing. Though I got to see their small spotted dog.

Carson won me over the moment she stepped up to the mic. She’s is a mile tall, poised, and can sculpt what should be an essay into a poem. And you don’t even realize she’s doing it. She also wears red cowboy boots and I couldn’t get that scene from Footloose out of my head.

I’m going to start with Plainwater and go from there.

Look, I thought we had gotten this out of our system. Can we...

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 13:01:45 -0400

Look, I thought we had gotten this out of our system. Can we please be done with the hipster jokes? Please?

Hipsters hate hipsters! That’s so clever. So deliciously ironic and has never been used before. Never. Ever.

Christ. Can we go back to making fun of hippies now?

(Winter Version) On my three-mile loop down to “mid-city” and...

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 10:38:00 -0400

(Winter Version)

On my three-mile loop down to “mid-city” and back, I saw a guy in a thrift store t-shirt, pleated khakis and chucks. I hoped for a second that I had slipped back in 1999 and the Pavement I was listening was still new (to me). Which would mean that there were so many other things that would be new. I wouldn’t have read Joan Didion, or seen a David Gordon Greene film. I’d be driving a Nissan Sentra. I’d still think that Mr. Roboto Project was the best place to see a show. Death Cab for Cutie was still lo-fi and Modest Mouse sounded new. The tickets I just bought to see Built to Spill would be $5, instead of $33.

But I wouldn’t be running, I’d be eating lots of queso and talking about taking up smoking and being something—I didn’t know what yet, but something.

I would have read my first David Foster Wallace essay. And my creative writing classes would be filled with freshmen boys who loved to dress up like him. By dress up, I mean in the uniform bandana and ratty t-shirts, and also in their footnotes. I loved and hated those boys, and the particular way they said DFW. I loved them because they were the staple of creative writing classes—a workshop needed their standard cynicism.

But they were so god damn annoying. I loved and hated them much like I loved and hated David Foster Wallace. Even though he was new to me, I knew from the moment I read “Existentiovoyeristic conundra notwithstanding, there’s no denying the simple fact that people in the U.S.A. watch so much television basically because it’s fun,” he and I would have a difficult relationship. Mostly because he taunted me, begged me to imitate him. I think I hated those boys because I knew that the something I wanted to be was DFW, but I just had the common sense to reign in it.

If it was still 1999, I guess he’d also have new things to look forward to.

I snapped out of this back-when nostalgia once I ran past a girl in Thomas Circle wearing yellow crocs. I’d been running on that block many times. The pavement wasn’t new.

I didn’t realize that tumblr didn’t have the ability to comment until my friend Henri pointed it out...

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 09:10:00 -0400

I didn’t realize that tumblr didn’t have the ability to comment until my friend Henri pointed it out a few months ago. (I started the tumblr with the idea that I wouldn’t tell anyone about it, so I didn’t think comments were necessary.) Henri wanted to tell me that he also liked Nixon watches, but he couldn’t, so he had to send me an email about it, and that wasn’t really the same. I think he said, “What, you don’t want to share the glory?”

So, I got really anxious. What if there were other people reading it and thinking that I wasn’t allowing them to comment because I actually didn’t want to share the glory? (I do want to share the glory, I do.) And then I got anxious, should I change to Wordpress or Blogger? Will people who have already linked to my blog not link to it anymore because I’m fickle with my blog publishing tools?

But then I found out how to do it on my own. That’s why it looks like shit, and at first you’re not really sure which comments go with what post. But I did it.

Now, I’m anxious that I’ll only realize just how many people don’t read this thing.

creative nonfiction: Prose that is true, except in the case of memoir.

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 16:21:19 -0400

creative nonfiction: Prose that is true, except in the case of memoir.