Another installment of Q&A Mad Libs, a weekly/monthly/wheneverIfeellikeit feature on HisNerdJig. The gist: I give my friends questions from old Q&As with musicians, and they fill in the blanks. Any which way they chose. You can read more about that here.
When I realized my engagement was falling apart, Jessica Guilfoyle knew what to do. She took me to the El Salvadorian tacqueria place on 14th Street—the one in the basement where they put avocado and manchego cheese in the burritos.
She told me the chicken burrito was the one I should order (trust me), and that if it were anyone else she might hesitate to say this, but I deserve much more and it will not be hard to find someone to love. She passed me the salsa verde and told me that I was easy to love.
“I feel so stupid,” I told her.
She shrugged. “I mean, what else are you going to feel?”
It reminded me of when my roommate first introduced us in the suffocating humidity of July in the backyard on Euclid. I complimented her dress. She gestured to the air. “I mean, what else are you going to wear?”
We’ve been through this kind of thing before, less severely, when I fell out of love with DC. She would take me at Polly Sue’s to find a new dress, and then to Dos Gringos for grapefruit spritzers and chipotle grilled tofu, and then to La Casa to stand in the back of the room to watch a few local boys play something that does and does not sound like music.
She’d introduce me to a few people, squeeze my arm, and say, “See? Everyone loves you. This city loves you. Any city would love you.”
I gave Ms. Guilfoyle a few questions from an AV Club interview with Lilly Allen, because there was a time when she couldn’t stop listening to The Fear on repeat. For your pleasure, here’s Jessica.
AV Club: What’s been your most rewarding collaboration so far?
Lilly Allen: The one with my hairstylist.
AVC: Who would you like to work with in the future? Who’s on your dream list?
LA: Bruce Springsteen! I grew up listening to Born in the USA and Nebraska. I’ve always thought he managed to maintain this quiet soulfulness while cranking out dance-y pop music at the same time. Also…Kanye West.
AVC: You were kicked out of 13 schools, and you dropped out at 15. How did that happen?
LA: Drugs, mostly. And fuckloads of diamonds.
AVC: When people write about you, they inevitably mention all the other musicians or journalists you’ve dissed or argued with publicly. Who’s tops on your annoyance list right now?
LA: Katy Perry and Perez Hilton. Also, Paul Krugman inexplicably annoys the shit out of me.
AVC: You’ve complained about how you’ve been portrayed in the press at times, especially in NME. Is there some specific image of you that you want people to get instead?
LA: I want people to see me! I’m not perfect, but I’m certainly not the crazy alcoholic party girl people make me out to be either. Plus, when I see these super photo-shopped pictures of myself on the newsstands, I barely recognize myself. It’s pretty disturbing actually.
AVC: You’ve talked a lot about way women in rock tend to get patronized as “the female version of this male artist,” instead of being written up for themselves. And you took on NME over a comment about how you can rock “even in stilettos.” Why do you think there’s so much of a problem finding positive ways to talk about female musicians?
LA: Well, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that women in rock are either hyper sexualized or not sexualized at all. The assumption is that if you’re too sexy, you’re not a serious musician, but if you’re not sexy enough, your marketability is put into question. However, I do think there are plenty of women who are both incredibly sexy and musically talented who combat this. MIA is ridiculously sexy and talented. That chick from The New Pornographers. Her voice makes my knees tremble.
Also…me, with or without stilettos. But I guess that goes without saying.
